Have you ever asked for feedback and then were unhappy with the results? Maybe you even resented the answers you received. Feedback is invaluable, people tell us, and they are right, but only if you know how to ask and whose opinion truly matters.
I have asked for, received and given feedback for years and there is absolutely a good way to go about it. When you receive useful feedback, you can use it to transform good into great work. In this post, I’m sharing how to get what you need and avoid any pitfalls.
Why are you asking for feedback?
There are good and bad reasons to ask for feedback. Bad reasons: you just ask because someone told you you should; you read somewhere that feedback is invaluable so you ask; you are part of a class or course where you are supposed to give each other feedback.
The worst reason of all, though, is that you are looking for confirmation and praise. Seeking approval from others is will not improve your work. Calling it feedback when you are really looking for unconditional support is also completely unfair to the person you are asking because you set them up for failure, too. Feedback is not support.
What is feedback?
Feedback is someone else’s opinion. It cannot be wrong because feedback is what the other person thinks. So whatever answers and comments you receive, feedback is always right because it is always the other person’s truth.
This does not mean that you have to act on their opinion if you disagree because, of course you can disagree. You have your own opinion on your creation and you have the final say in what it looks like. Feedback is an opinion you ask of someone else so only ask for it when this is what you actually want to get!
Some people’s responses will reflect their state of mind and how they feel. An angry person will give you angry feedback. A sad person will notice the depressing aspects of your work. Meanwhil, someone with a chip on their shoulder might feel attacked and react accordingly.
How people package their opinion has nothing to do with your work and everything to do with how they feel while they write the feedback. What they write, meaning the core points of their opinion is always valid whether you agree with it or not.
Before you ask
You want to be grounded and centred before you ask for feedback. Be clear on what you want your work to be, look and sound like. Remind yourself that you are asking people for their opinion and that you will take the core of their answers seriously.
If you notice that you feel resistance at this point, then do not ask for feedback. Your reaction to feedback has everything to do with your emotional state. If you are angry or impatient (low-level anger), you will take feedback personally and either misunderstand or completely miss helpful points. If you ask for feedback when you are in a bad mental state yourself, you are wasting your and other people’s time and energy. So don’t do it.
The same applies to reading feedback. Make sure you are in a good headspace before you look at any answers you received. When you are calm and emotionally grounded, you can filter out the gems that will help you take your work to the next level and ignore the rest.
The wrong people
Take some time to decide who you are going to ask for feedback. I have taken classes and courses before where students were asked to give each other feedback and now that I’ve been through this a few times, I have to say the process is a very bad idea. Here’s why.
Let’s say you are in a creative writing course or a writing group and you exchange a sample of your writing with your peers. They give you feedback and you give them feedback. Helpful? Of course not. Why would it be?! You do not write for other writers, who, by the way turn into editors when they read other people’s writing. You write for readers. An entirely different set of people.
The same goes for products and services. When you ask someone for feedback who is not your client and often not even similar to the person you create for the feedback you receive will be harmful. Not pointless or useless, actively harmful because the feedback will veer you off course.
Harmful feedback
I once won an editorial review for a book by a person who works as an editor. I was thrilled! Feedback from a professional! Until I received the feedback. I had told the editor that my book was YA Fantasy and she said it was fine. Actually, it wasn’t because she does not read that genre. She was unfamiliar with the point of view changes in the chapters and didn’t even recognise one of the point of view characters as such because the character was non-human.
Luckily, I noticed immediately that this woman did not actually know what she was talking about. She was unfamiliar with tropes typical in Young Adult Fantasty books which is why she didn’t understand what was going on. Think about it.
Is there a book genre you never read or a movie genre you never watch? Do you really believe that your opinion would be helpful? But if someone asked, you would definitely try to come up with something to say. Most of us just want to be helpful, even if we have to make stuff up. So it’s much better to never put others into this position in the first place.
Who should you ask?
Feedback is someone else’s opinion. So only ask people whose opinion matters. The most important opinion of all is always your own. The next most important opinions belong to the people you create for, whether it is a piece of art, a product or a service. Get feedback from readers, clients and customers. It’s the only feedback that matters.
For example, I have been working with a beta reader for a while now and her feedback is absolutely invaluable because she actually reads the genre I write in. I want my books to be readable and entertaining. She can tell me exactly if they are not.
Also, figure out what you want to know. Never ask for feedback in general. If you do not know what you actually want feedback on, you are not ready for feedback. Have questions and focus on specific areas of your work. Write your questions down. You can share them with the people you ask for feedback or not but having them will help you gain more clarity.
Checklist
Any time you are about to ask for feedback, go through this checklist first:
- How am I feeling right now?
- What to I want to clarify? Is there any part of my work I want a second (or third or fourth) opinion on?
- Whose opinion do I want?
- Will they find it easier if I share my questions or should I leave the request open-ended?
Make the most of it
Before you read feedback, re-centre yourself. If you are having a bad day, leave the feedback for tomorrow or even later than that. Ensure that you are in a good place so that you can make the most of other people’s opinions.
Remind yourself that feedback is really just an opinion. You do not have to agree with it or implement it, no matter whose opinion it is. Your creations are your work and you are the expert. You know what you want to achieve and who you want to reach. Take what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
Thank people for feedback, no matter how they packaged it. They spent time helping you out. Accept every answer with grace. Only bother them again if you have clarifying questions. Notice your emotional state. If you catch yourself justifying your decisions and feel the urge to “discuss” them with the person who gave you feedback, meaning convince them that they are “wrong”, suppress it. Do not bother them again. They have done their job. It’s up to you what you make of it.
If you are in a course or class with mandatory feedback, feel free to completely ignore it. I mean it. Unless you are confident enough in yourself and your own work, it is better not even to read feedback from the wrong people. Say thanks, smile and delete it.
You are the creator
I love the quote above by Neil Gaiman and have found it incredibly helpful when I use feedback. What is the real point someone is making? When you leave out potential anger and a bad mood, what are they really saying? Is there an underlying issue? And if yes, how will I fix it?
Feedback is very helpful once you know how to ask for it and use it to improve your work. Always remember, that you are the creator. Whether you asked for feedback on creative work, a product or your branding, it’s yours. Your opinion always matters the most.