Knowing how to change is not enough. Have you ever read up on a new habit that sounded perfect but then never actually did it? What about new thoughts and belief systems? Do you just read about them and suddenly everything changes? I’m guessing you are like me and that hardly (if) ever happens.
True change is always physical so we want to embody our new selves. That’s also why change is at first uncomfortable. Should you push through or wait until you feel better? Neither. I learned the middle way from Yin Yoga: Find your edge, work with it and keep shifting into your new self.
The mind is physical
Yoga is a physical practise. It reconnects us to our bodies. Apart from Yin Yoga, I’ve also been diving into Kundalini Yoga. The latter focuses very much on the breath. What surprised me the most, though, was that my favourite Kundalini Yoga teacher has a lot of classes to balance the mind with the heart and the body. Some of the most difficult Kriyas (word for movement) for me are the ones where we simply hold a mudra (specific handgesture) while we breathe deeply.
These deceptively simple exercises have a profound effect on my mind. Some calm me, others help me slow down racing thoughts. All of them remind me that our minds are really physical. Thoughts are electrical impulses that shoot from one neuron to the other. The more often we think the same thoughts, the better the same neurons are connected. Change, especially the kind that requires different thoughts, has to include the body.
Embody yourself
Some people focus on mindset. Others fixate on changeing their bodies in some way. But for a real new you, you have to do both. You need to literally embody change. For example, if you want to be more confident, think better thoughts about yourself and practise self-love. On top of that, you want to start walking and talking like a confident person.
Practise the posture confident you has. What does your voice sound like when you speak confidently about a subject? Which words do you use? Practise power poses and exercise the muscles you need to sit and walk upright and do so as often as you can remember every single day. That’s how you become confident.
Real change
Real change works on the brain. New synapses (connections between neurons) grow every single day. When we change who we are, our brains have to change too. Becoming more confident, for instance, means that neurons that notice if we are slouching and others that send signals to muscles to pull us upright need to grow. The brain resists this change at first because it is built to assume that past behaviour kept us alive so it wants to stick with old habits.
That’s why change is often uncomfortable at the beginning. I used to believe that I had to push through this discomfort. It’s part of the lie I was taught to live by: Life is hard. Of course, my brain made sure that I had difficult experiences. But there is an easier way. The key comes from one of the principles in Yin Yoga: the edge. You see, in Yin Yoga, being on the edge means staying in your comfort zone.
Yin Yoga
When you adopt a Yin Yoga Asana (pose), you find the point just before discomfort so you can relax into the pose. If you push your body into an uncomfortable position, you actually get a worse result. When we overstretch, our muscles tense to protect the ligaments and joints.
On the other hand, when you ease up to the point where you’re comfortable, your muscles relax. Gravity and your own body weight slowly and steadily stretch you beyond anything you would have thought possible. I’m speaking from experience. I’ve been doing my favourite Flex Yoga Flow class for four years now. Encouraged by the teacher, I eased up and relaxed every time. The result is stunning.
Comfortable change
We’re taught to push and pull, physically and mentally. “No pain, no gain” and so on. Have you tried that type of change? And how is it working out for you? Did you achieve your goals? Some of them? And how did you feel while you went through a major life change? Ready for a new way?
When you want to grow in a specific direction, choose comfortable change. Pick mindset exercises that feel good to you and as soon as you tense up, do something fun instead. Find ways to embody your new self. Does new you speak differently? What about the posture and the gestures? Do you wear different clothes?
Keep going until you reach a point that makes you uncomfortable. And then pull back. That’s your edge: The exercise/practice/habit, that is bearable. Stick with it. Once it is comfortable and you easily embody your new characteristic, find your new edge. Not only is this process much faster, it also feels good while you do it.
You want to change because you believe you’ll feel better. New you is happier, more relaxed, more successful and so on. Why not embody that right away? Choose the easy path for change. Stay on the edge until it shifts by itself. And then keep relaxing into it.